My husband has been having some serious health challenges with acute pancreatitis and numerous complications, mostly with bowel perforations since November 8th, 2012. Out of the past 19 months he has been hospitalized for 9 months. He has been in and out of the ICU, has had 30+ abdominal surgeries and has used up at least 7 of his 9 lives. He is my hero and a great example of perseverance, patience and tolerance. I was with him in the ICU when I got a call from the Highway Patrol wanting to visit with me. I made them come talk to me at the hospital so my husband could be with me. My son Weston had been killed in a tragic single car rollover accident in Sardine Canyon on March 15, 2014.
After this I thought "How can I possibly get through this?" But with the love and support of family and friends, I did. We arranged a beautiful service and tribute to my son, he was so well loved. His body was not so damaged that we couldn't have a viewing and have some closure that we so desperately needed.
The difficulty has come as the months have continued on... I am finding it most difficult to move forward. It hasn't helped that the home we are renting and so love is now up for sale, we are not in a good position to purchase it right now. So we may be facing yet another move, this will make 4 moves in 4 years for us.
I never would have understood what the "Tragedy of Life..." picture meant before. I am so not myself it is not even funny. I feel it as anger, sadness, loss, no desire to do anything. My spark is gone and don't know when it will return and don't even care to do anything about it right now unfortunately. So I grasp onto the little joys that come by in the forms of my grandson, in an invite to go out with a friend, in a dinner and drive with my husband, and I ride their coat tails for awhile, it makes things almost feel normal again...if only for a few moments. Just until I can find Lynda's spark again.
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