Unwanted Hyper Speed

I am staring in the face of surgery in 16 days, to be specific, Cervical Discectomy and Fusion of C4-5.

I have gone thru five surgeries to date, a couple of them were routine, and three were major ones. The thing that sucks about surgery for the patient (aside from the surgery itself), is you experience hyper speed without the memory of doing so. I mean, everybody else like medical personnel, family and those waiting for the patient experience everything in real time, for 2 hours or whatever time it takes.

For the patient, not so... you remember starting to go under one second and the next second they are calling your name and trying to wake you up. I've often thought...not fair! I need to build up my courage to face the pain, nausea and grogginess that comes with the package deal.

I guess the only answer is to build the courage for everything before being rolled into that big, white, and cold room. Before all the bustling group of smock and face covered medical personnel ascend on you with all their instructions for where to lay, how to lay, so and so forth. Before a nurse calls out your name and asks you questions so she can evaluate where you are in the process of coming out of anesthesia.

Last time after surgery I had trouble getting my words to come out of my mouth, it was a long painstaking process. Plus, my limbs were jerking uncontrollably. Nausea always seems to come with a vengeance, immediately setting off the beepers on the monitor.

Surgery is no picnic, but for me, it is a necessary evil to cure what ails me. So like my double layer rotator cuff repair, I will trudge forward with my head held high (albeit fused in place, lol) and pull up my big girl panties.