Moving On

Moving on after a BIG fallout with your bestie (or anybody for that matter) is not easy. You can only apologize so many times, you can only beg so many times... and with each time it seems to bring you lower and lower, at least it seems to do that when it falls on deaf ears.

Apologizing for having hurt another is the right thing to do, but asking for forgiveness is like begging, if there is no forgiveness offered you have to find a way to move on. You have to reach a point that you know you have done all you can do, you are not going to allow their lack of forgiveness to define you, bring you down anymore. What is happening at this point is a form of control, they feel they have you in the palm on their hand... squeezing it tighter and tighter, they know their silence is killing you, they are punishing you now.

For me, it is when I decided enough is enough, I have apologized over and over again. It is time to tell them what I really think, no more apologies. Reminding them of how they told me I was a loyal and non-judgmental  friend all those years we were besties, dose that mean nothing? Reminding them of all we helped each other thru, all the tears, all the joys. Telling them that everything does not always happens for a reason. Some things just happen because we are human, some things just happen because of Murphy's Law, some things just happen because of a bad day, out of hurt, out of pain, out of illness, ignorance, being too sensitive, or out of being ignored.

But also a reminder that to me, we will always be besties and I will always love her. No more apologies, just the hope that she will someday realize the value of our friendship and that it wasn't all for nothing. I do realize there could be more at play here than what I see, but I may never know.

I just pray for her and her forgiveness, but I do not need it to be happy. I am tremendously happy with my wonderful husband, children, grand-children, parents, extended family and many friends. They love me as I am, I just hope that someday she will to.