As I was scrolling a besties blog (some would say former bestie), I ran across this one post. It took me way back, and reminded me why I cannot and will not give up on this bestie of mine. We had a falling out a couple of years ago, we have had to learn to forgive one another...but most importantly forgive ourselves for the way in which each of us handled it. We have ever so slowly been communicating since I lost my son back in March. I don't know why it takes a tragedy and sometimes it takes reflecting back, way...way back to remember why you had that bond in the first place. I will never forget, and thanks my friend for reminding me via your blog. I will have the patience of Job if needed. Besties Before And Forever is what I still think, love you Meg.
http://momentsbymeg.blogspot.com/2010/04/happy-easter-better-late-than-never.html
Sunday, July 6, 2014
Seeking My Spark Again
My husband has been having some serious health challenges with acute pancreatitis and numerous complications, mostly with bowel perforations since November 8th, 2012. Out of the past 19 months he has been hospitalized for 9 months. He has been in and out of the ICU, has had 30+ abdominal surgeries and has used up at least 7 of his 9 lives. He is my hero and a great example of perseverance, patience and tolerance. I was with him in the ICU when I got a call from the Highway Patrol wanting to visit with me. I made them come talk to me at the hospital so my husband could be with me. My son Weston had been killed in a tragic single car rollover accident in Sardine Canyon on March 15, 2014.
After this I thought "How can I possibly get through this?" But with the love and support of family and friends, I did. We arranged a beautiful service and tribute to my son, he was so well loved. His body was not so damaged that we couldn't have a viewing and have some closure that we so desperately needed.
The difficulty has come as the months have continued on... I am finding it most difficult to move forward. It hasn't helped that the home we are renting and so love is now up for sale, we are not in a good position to purchase it right now. So we may be facing yet another move, this will make 4 moves in 4 years for us.
I never would have understood what the "Tragedy of Life..." picture meant before. I am so not myself it is not even funny. I feel it as anger, sadness, loss, no desire to do anything. My spark is gone and don't know when it will return and don't even care to do anything about it right now unfortunately. So I grasp onto the little joys that come by in the forms of my grandson, in an invite to go out with a friend, in a dinner and drive with my husband, and I ride their coat tails for awhile, it makes things almost feel normal again...if only for a few moments. Just until I can find Lynda's spark again.
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Unwanted Hyper Speed
I am staring in the face of surgery in 16 days, to be specific, Cervical Discectomy and Fusion of C4-5.
I have gone thru five surgeries to date, a couple of them were routine, and three were major ones. The thing that sucks about surgery for the patient (aside from the surgery itself), is you experience hyper speed without the memory of doing so. I mean, everybody else like medical personnel, family and those waiting for the patient experience everything in real time, for 2 hours or whatever time it takes.
For the patient, not so... you remember starting to go under one second and the next second they are calling your name and trying to wake you up. I've often thought...not fair! I need to build up my courage to face the pain, nausea and grogginess that comes with the package deal.
I guess the only answer is to build the courage for everything before being rolled into that big, white, and cold room. Before all the bustling group of smock and face covered medical personnel ascend on you with all their instructions for where to lay, how to lay, so and so forth. Before a nurse calls out your name and asks you questions so she can evaluate where you are in the process of coming out of anesthesia.
Last time after surgery I had trouble getting my words to come out of my mouth, it was a long painstaking process. Plus, my limbs were jerking uncontrollably. Nausea always seems to come with a vengeance, immediately setting off the beepers on the monitor.
Surgery is no picnic, but for me, it is a necessary evil to cure what ails me. So like my double layer rotator cuff repair, I will trudge forward with my head held high (albeit fused in place, lol) and pull up my big girl panties.
I have gone thru five surgeries to date, a couple of them were routine, and three were major ones. The thing that sucks about surgery for the patient (aside from the surgery itself), is you experience hyper speed without the memory of doing so. I mean, everybody else like medical personnel, family and those waiting for the patient experience everything in real time, for 2 hours or whatever time it takes.
For the patient, not so... you remember starting to go under one second and the next second they are calling your name and trying to wake you up. I've often thought...not fair! I need to build up my courage to face the pain, nausea and grogginess that comes with the package deal.
I guess the only answer is to build the courage for everything before being rolled into that big, white, and cold room. Before all the bustling group of smock and face covered medical personnel ascend on you with all their instructions for where to lay, how to lay, so and so forth. Before a nurse calls out your name and asks you questions so she can evaluate where you are in the process of coming out of anesthesia.
Last time after surgery I had trouble getting my words to come out of my mouth, it was a long painstaking process. Plus, my limbs were jerking uncontrollably. Nausea always seems to come with a vengeance, immediately setting off the beepers on the monitor.
Surgery is no picnic, but for me, it is a necessary evil to cure what ails me. So like my double layer rotator cuff repair, I will trudge forward with my head held high (albeit fused in place, lol) and pull up my big girl panties.
Monday, July 16, 2012
Wake up AMERICA!
This is how some of the rest of the world views us...
This quote was translated into English from an article appearing in the Czech Republic as published in the Prager Zeitung of 28 April 2011. This is definitely the quote of the decade. We'll see on Nov. 6th if the voters of this country regain their senses or if our representative republic (and the hope of the free world) is doomed. RBL
"The danger to America is not Barack Obama but a citizenry capable of entrusting an inexperienced man like him with the Presidency. It will be far easier to limit and undo the follies of an Obama presidency than to restore the necessary common sense and good judgment to a depraved electorate willing to have such a man for their president. The problem is much deeper and far more serious than Mr. Obama, who is a mere symptom of what ails America. Blaming the prince of the fools should not blind anyone to the vast confederacy of fools that made him their prince. The Republic can survive a Barack Obama. It is less likely to survive a multitude of Idiots such as those who made him their president."
This quote was translated into English from an article appearing in the Czech Republic as published in the Prager Zeitung of 28 April 2011. This is definitely the quote of the decade. We'll see on Nov. 6th if the voters of this country regain their senses or if our representative republic (and the hope of the free world) is doomed. RBL
"The danger to America is not Barack Obama but a citizenry capable of entrusting an inexperienced man like him with the Presidency. It will be far easier to limit and undo the follies of an Obama presidency than to restore the necessary common sense and good judgment to a depraved electorate willing to have such a man for their president. The problem is much deeper and far more serious than Mr. Obama, who is a mere symptom of what ails America. Blaming the prince of the fools should not blind anyone to the vast confederacy of fools that made him their prince. The Republic can survive a Barack Obama. It is less likely to survive a multitude of Idiots such as those who made him their president."
Thursday, July 12, 2012
"Obamacare", it's a DANGEROUS bill
I am not even a fan of Glenn Beck, but in this video he is just asking doctors questions that have read the bill (both parts of it) and what they think about it and how it will impact EVERY persons healthcare, both the currently insured and uninsured alike. Please take some time to watch this and inform yourself about BOTH parts of this bill.
Doctors discuss impact of Obamacare
Doctors discuss impact of Obamacare
Thursday, July 5, 2012
Looking for a temporary hole
I don't know what is wrong with me, I have not been feeling like myself for several months. More on the ornery side, quick to speak harsh words, quick to see the negative in everything, and quick to wish I hadn't said anything...but at the same time...it is like I don't have the ability to filter it either.
Perhaps it is the medication I am trying to get off of, aggressiveness is a side effect among some other things I have a problem with. I have been having this problem about as long as I have been on the medication. I am not saying it is the problem, but the time frame is too coincidental for me. I would rather deal with the tremors and tremendous fatigue than the behavior changes that seem to be going on.
Besides, I have already lost my best friend because of my behavior. That alone is reason enough to get off the medication, I just can't risk it not being the problem. I don't want to hurt anybody else. Granted, if she was a true friend, she would have talked to me before things got to be a huge problem. But she is dealing with not being able to communicate about difficult things, and since I have already learned that lesson, I can't blame her for keeping quite and not talking things out with me. After all, I know what it feels like to not be able to talk about the difficult things.
I wish there was a hole I could just crawl into for the next six months while I hopefully get back to my old self. I hate everybody watching this terrible transformation I am going through.
Anybody know of a good hole?
Perhaps it is the medication I am trying to get off of, aggressiveness is a side effect among some other things I have a problem with. I have been having this problem about as long as I have been on the medication. I am not saying it is the problem, but the time frame is too coincidental for me. I would rather deal with the tremors and tremendous fatigue than the behavior changes that seem to be going on.
Besides, I have already lost my best friend because of my behavior. That alone is reason enough to get off the medication, I just can't risk it not being the problem. I don't want to hurt anybody else. Granted, if she was a true friend, she would have talked to me before things got to be a huge problem. But she is dealing with not being able to communicate about difficult things, and since I have already learned that lesson, I can't blame her for keeping quite and not talking things out with me. After all, I know what it feels like to not be able to talk about the difficult things.
I wish there was a hole I could just crawl into for the next six months while I hopefully get back to my old self. I hate everybody watching this terrible transformation I am going through.
Anybody know of a good hole?
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
Control
I believe that if we are doing things because someone makes us feel bad for not doing it, even if they just pout to get their way... it is still passive-aggressive behavior on their part, it is manipulative and is a form of control.
The end.
The end.
Sunday, July 1, 2012
Moving On
Moving on after a BIG fallout with your bestie (or anybody for that matter) is not easy. You can only apologize so many times, you can only beg so many times... and with each time it seems to bring you lower and lower, at least it seems to do that when it falls on deaf ears.
Apologizing for having hurt another is the right thing to do, but asking for forgiveness is like begging, if there is no forgiveness offered you have to find a way to move on. You have to reach a point that you know you have done all you can do, you are not going to allow their lack of forgiveness to define you, bring you down anymore. What is happening at this point is a form of control, they feel they have you in the palm on their hand... squeezing it tighter and tighter, they know their silence is killing you, they are punishing you now.
For me, it is when I decided enough is enough, I have apologized over and over again. It is time to tell them what I really think, no more apologies. Reminding them of how they told me I was a loyal and non-judgmental friend all those years we were besties, dose that mean nothing? Reminding them of all we helped each other thru, all the tears, all the joys. Telling them that everything does not always happens for a reason. Some things just happen because we are human, some things just happen because of Murphy's Law, some things just happen because of a bad day, out of hurt, out of pain, out of illness, ignorance, being too sensitive, or out of being ignored.
But also a reminder that to me, we will always be besties and I will always love her. No more apologies, just the hope that she will someday realize the value of our friendship and that it wasn't all for nothing. I do realize there could be more at play here than what I see, but I may never know.
I just pray for her and her forgiveness, but I do not need it to be happy. I am tremendously happy with my wonderful husband, children, grand-children, parents, extended family and many friends. They love me as I am, I just hope that someday she will to.
Apologizing for having hurt another is the right thing to do, but asking for forgiveness is like begging, if there is no forgiveness offered you have to find a way to move on. You have to reach a point that you know you have done all you can do, you are not going to allow their lack of forgiveness to define you, bring you down anymore. What is happening at this point is a form of control, they feel they have you in the palm on their hand... squeezing it tighter and tighter, they know their silence is killing you, they are punishing you now.
For me, it is when I decided enough is enough, I have apologized over and over again. It is time to tell them what I really think, no more apologies. Reminding them of how they told me I was a loyal and non-judgmental friend all those years we were besties, dose that mean nothing? Reminding them of all we helped each other thru, all the tears, all the joys. Telling them that everything does not always happens for a reason. Some things just happen because we are human, some things just happen because of Murphy's Law, some things just happen because of a bad day, out of hurt, out of pain, out of illness, ignorance, being too sensitive, or out of being ignored.
But also a reminder that to me, we will always be besties and I will always love her. No more apologies, just the hope that she will someday realize the value of our friendship and that it wasn't all for nothing. I do realize there could be more at play here than what I see, but I may never know.
I just pray for her and her forgiveness, but I do not need it to be happy. I am tremendously happy with my wonderful husband, children, grand-children, parents, extended family and many friends. They love me as I am, I just hope that someday she will to.
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Words
Words, especially the written kind, can be twisted and turned into something that stings and cuts to the core.
It all depends on the viewers own life experiences and sensitivity levels as to how their power has over others. While the words we put down may have the very best of intentions, given with love or humor, it matters not when the receiver is in a frame of mind where they are already biased against the giver. Plus, if the receiver was raised without siblings or perhaps has worked in environments where teasing one another wasn't the norm, there has been no opportunity for developing a "thick skin".
So do we take responsibility for words that unintentionally hurt or offends a loved one or a loved one of a friend? All actions good or bad (yes, even unintentional) have a domino effect in our lives or the lives of others. So we do need to take responsibility for them. It's a live and learn kind of thing, and all we can do is hope and pray we are given the opportunity to make things right for the hurt we may have caused and the blessed opportunity to still have them in our lives.
Be weary of the innocent tease, even if it is in reply to another one. Many people can dish it, but there are those few that can't take it. If there is anything but good feelings towards the individual you are directing your comments or tease to, tread lightly. Sometimes a tease can be the supposed "non-stinging" way of delivering how we feel about someone, and sadly, without even knowing it ourselves.
Deliver only positive, uplifting comments towards others, especially to those that don't know you well. A sarcastic sense of humor used on someone that doesn't know you will almost always be taken wrong and put you in a bad light in the future. Reserve your humor for those that really do know you well, and I am talking about in person. Online teasing will almost always be taken the wrong way.
If you have offended another, even unintentionally, it may forever destroy any relationship you ever had with that person. Especially if they easily hold grudges, or have a history of not dealing with things because it is easier just to not face it and work to make it right, and if the relationship is mostly an online one, they can easily avoid the contact....making things worse as each day that passes.
Save your words, stop for a moment and think before typing or for that matter talking. Keep the friends you have and make new ones along the way. Keep your heart open to the love of others and your life will be filled with much joy. If you have offended another, take heart, if you have sincerely apologized and have not received forgiveness... then the weight of the matter lies with them and it is their loss for not having given you, their loved one, a second chance.
It all depends on the viewers own life experiences and sensitivity levels as to how their power has over others. While the words we put down may have the very best of intentions, given with love or humor, it matters not when the receiver is in a frame of mind where they are already biased against the giver. Plus, if the receiver was raised without siblings or perhaps has worked in environments where teasing one another wasn't the norm, there has been no opportunity for developing a "thick skin".
So do we take responsibility for words that unintentionally hurt or offends a loved one or a loved one of a friend? All actions good or bad (yes, even unintentional) have a domino effect in our lives or the lives of others. So we do need to take responsibility for them. It's a live and learn kind of thing, and all we can do is hope and pray we are given the opportunity to make things right for the hurt we may have caused and the blessed opportunity to still have them in our lives.
Be weary of the innocent tease, even if it is in reply to another one. Many people can dish it, but there are those few that can't take it. If there is anything but good feelings towards the individual you are directing your comments or tease to, tread lightly. Sometimes a tease can be the supposed "non-stinging" way of delivering how we feel about someone, and sadly, without even knowing it ourselves.
Deliver only positive, uplifting comments towards others, especially to those that don't know you well. A sarcastic sense of humor used on someone that doesn't know you will almost always be taken wrong and put you in a bad light in the future. Reserve your humor for those that really do know you well, and I am talking about in person. Online teasing will almost always be taken the wrong way.
If you have offended another, even unintentionally, it may forever destroy any relationship you ever had with that person. Especially if they easily hold grudges, or have a history of not dealing with things because it is easier just to not face it and work to make it right, and if the relationship is mostly an online one, they can easily avoid the contact....making things worse as each day that passes.
Save your words, stop for a moment and think before typing or for that matter talking. Keep the friends you have and make new ones along the way. Keep your heart open to the love of others and your life will be filled with much joy. If you have offended another, take heart, if you have sincerely apologized and have not received forgiveness... then the weight of the matter lies with them and it is their loss for not having given you, their loved one, a second chance.
Saturday, June 16, 2012
I Dance U Smile
I Dance U Smile!
This is my son Weston, he has overcome more than shyness over the past few years and I am dang proud of him. He still has a long ways to go, but he is definitely on the way there!
This is my son Weston, he has overcome more than shyness over the past few years and I am dang proud of him. He still has a long ways to go, but he is definitely on the way there!
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Reflection
Why does it always have to take a accident/tragedy to force the analyzation of a bad situation and to instill a positive change?
Such as a much needed traffic light on a dangerous intersection, it doesn't happen until there is an accident where somebody dies.
Or... a tragedy of another sort... a relationship, unintentionally hurting someone, such as saying something based only from our own viewpoint, but in reality it was received with a much harsher meaning that caused pain.
This causes reflection of oneself... why did it happen, especially when we never even recognized it in the first place, not until it had given its wicked sting to people that we would never intentionally hurt. Is this behavior something that happens with everyone we come in contact with, or just certain individuals. Once we figure that out, what do they have in common, what role do they play in our lives. Perhaps it is something as simple as never having accepted them or what we interpreted as their hold over us or a loved one. Whatever it is, we need to figure it out right down to the very last detail. Clarification brings understanding of oneself and our behavior, a flaw in our character, then comes change. It is easy to change once the problem is figured out and applying a solution to avoid it happening again in the future. But until we realize there is a problem, no change can be made.
Then comes perhaps the most difficult of all, the apologies for ones behavior. The forgiveness cannot come without being given freely from those that were hurt, but you can forgive yourself... which does not come easy, then asking for your Heavenly Fathers forgiveness. Then comes the waiting, will the relationships ever mend? I think perhaps this requires a lot of patience, love and never giving up, but showing much respect for their needed space and healing. Then also realizing that it may never come around, because we do not have any control over how others handle their pain and healing.
Nonetheless... are we going to wait for a tragedy to make positive changes in our lives, whether it be an unsafe structure on our property or an attitude that severely needs adjustment. Take heed to those reactions around you, if you seem to be causing unwanted reactions by harsh words, work on how you associate yourself with others. Don't be blind to your own behavior, make a good thing happen today. Say kind words, never harsh. Tell someone you love them.
It never hurts to do some reflecting of oneself now and then, perhaps we will avoid a tragedy in the future.
Such as a much needed traffic light on a dangerous intersection, it doesn't happen until there is an accident where somebody dies.
Or... a tragedy of another sort... a relationship, unintentionally hurting someone, such as saying something based only from our own viewpoint, but in reality it was received with a much harsher meaning that caused pain.
This causes reflection of oneself... why did it happen, especially when we never even recognized it in the first place, not until it had given its wicked sting to people that we would never intentionally hurt. Is this behavior something that happens with everyone we come in contact with, or just certain individuals. Once we figure that out, what do they have in common, what role do they play in our lives. Perhaps it is something as simple as never having accepted them or what we interpreted as their hold over us or a loved one. Whatever it is, we need to figure it out right down to the very last detail. Clarification brings understanding of oneself and our behavior, a flaw in our character, then comes change. It is easy to change once the problem is figured out and applying a solution to avoid it happening again in the future. But until we realize there is a problem, no change can be made.
Then comes perhaps the most difficult of all, the apologies for ones behavior. The forgiveness cannot come without being given freely from those that were hurt, but you can forgive yourself... which does not come easy, then asking for your Heavenly Fathers forgiveness. Then comes the waiting, will the relationships ever mend? I think perhaps this requires a lot of patience, love and never giving up, but showing much respect for their needed space and healing. Then also realizing that it may never come around, because we do not have any control over how others handle their pain and healing.
Nonetheless... are we going to wait for a tragedy to make positive changes in our lives, whether it be an unsafe structure on our property or an attitude that severely needs adjustment. Take heed to those reactions around you, if you seem to be causing unwanted reactions by harsh words, work on how you associate yourself with others. Don't be blind to your own behavior, make a good thing happen today. Say kind words, never harsh. Tell someone you love them.
It never hurts to do some reflecting of oneself now and then, perhaps we will avoid a tragedy in the future.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
You can be on the right track, but you will get run over if you just sit there.
I have been feeling out of sorts lately, like the past few days or so, without any real solid reason as to why. So when someone tells you to just "Cheer up!", how do you go about that when you don't have a clue why you are down in the first place. I mean, if I really thought about it I could probably find little reasons that would affect my mood, such as...
I have not been feeling very good lately and my leg is still giving me pain even after the treatments I have received; my best friend has been in a melancholy mood also and I can't put on her while she is struggling too; my daughter who is in CA is trying to decide on continuing there or moving back home and is struggling with what she is supposed to be doing, going back and forth on her decisions; feeling as if my designs are so inadequate compared to the talent of those around me and how did I ever get to where I am with so little skill; my weight keeps climbing and I have had to replace my entire wardrobe; my spirit is in need of some repair and yet there is no desire to do anything about it; my ward was just dissolved and I don't even know where I belong anymore; and I don't seem to have any of the energy or drive to want to do anything about any of the above, for those things I could do anything about that is.
But in my mind, all of those things are little, inconsequential things and are no reason to be in the funk I am in. They just happen to be some of the little things I am dealing with, like we all deal with in one way or another. So how can any of those concerns have such a big effect on me today?
So my way of thinking is blogging therapy, maybe if I type it out onto my blog it will leave me by traveling out of my heart and mind and trickling down thru my fingertips like magic. Maybe while typing I will suddenly know the answer or the reason behind this deep funk that I am in. I am generally a pretty upbeat, happy person...so when I get in a sudden mood like this it takes me back and I am like "Whoa! What am I supposed to do with this? This is not me, I don't know how to handle this!".
Has my experiment of blogging it out been working? It is hard to say, I think it is too early to tell. But I will say this, it is at least doing something about it. It is at least talking to someone, even if that someone is myself, well and any poor sap who happens upon it that is.
I do have many blessings that keep me going, that lift me back up to where I need to be. And that is my wonderful husband, my amazing kids, adorable grandkids. I have an awesome job and I get to work with awesome people. I still have both of my parents and many other family members that love me. A savior that gave everything for me and I know that He and my Heavenly Father love me and want me to be happy. I feel like I let them down everyday, but all I can say is that for the moment, I am doing the best that I can.
Things will get better, they just require a little more effort, a little more reaching out and holding on. Keep on keeping on with the good fight, tie another knot and hold on tighter and all that other positive stuff.
After all, you can be on the right track, but you will get run over if you just sit there.
I have not been feeling very good lately and my leg is still giving me pain even after the treatments I have received; my best friend has been in a melancholy mood also and I can't put on her while she is struggling too; my daughter who is in CA is trying to decide on continuing there or moving back home and is struggling with what she is supposed to be doing, going back and forth on her decisions; feeling as if my designs are so inadequate compared to the talent of those around me and how did I ever get to where I am with so little skill; my weight keeps climbing and I have had to replace my entire wardrobe; my spirit is in need of some repair and yet there is no desire to do anything about it; my ward was just dissolved and I don't even know where I belong anymore; and I don't seem to have any of the energy or drive to want to do anything about any of the above, for those things I could do anything about that is.
But in my mind, all of those things are little, inconsequential things and are no reason to be in the funk I am in. They just happen to be some of the little things I am dealing with, like we all deal with in one way or another. So how can any of those concerns have such a big effect on me today?
So my way of thinking is blogging therapy, maybe if I type it out onto my blog it will leave me by traveling out of my heart and mind and trickling down thru my fingertips like magic. Maybe while typing I will suddenly know the answer or the reason behind this deep funk that I am in. I am generally a pretty upbeat, happy person...so when I get in a sudden mood like this it takes me back and I am like "Whoa! What am I supposed to do with this? This is not me, I don't know how to handle this!".
Has my experiment of blogging it out been working? It is hard to say, I think it is too early to tell. But I will say this, it is at least doing something about it. It is at least talking to someone, even if that someone is myself, well and any poor sap who happens upon it that is.
I do have many blessings that keep me going, that lift me back up to where I need to be. And that is my wonderful husband, my amazing kids, adorable grandkids. I have an awesome job and I get to work with awesome people. I still have both of my parents and many other family members that love me. A savior that gave everything for me and I know that He and my Heavenly Father love me and want me to be happy. I feel like I let them down everyday, but all I can say is that for the moment, I am doing the best that I can.
Things will get better, they just require a little more effort, a little more reaching out and holding on. Keep on keeping on with the good fight, tie another knot and hold on tighter and all that other positive stuff.
After all, you can be on the right track, but you will get run over if you just sit there.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
It's the women...
I got this email from a family member. This is my way of sharing it.
And Here's the story:
I would like all to see this short video, then I'll tell you a story. Here is the video:
"A few years ago, I took Constitution classes from Glenn Kimber. For those who don't know him, he is the son-in-law of W. Cleon Skousen. He has been with Skousen for many years, often accompanying him on his lecture tours and giving nation-wide lectures himself. Today he runs an academy for the youth, Kimber Academy, in Lehi. In one of his classes he told the following story:
He was in Phoenix Arizona at Sky Harbor airport some years ago to pick up Ezra Taft Benson for some function. As they were on their way to the function that Elder Benson was to attend, Glenn asked him, in essence, "Elder Benson, will this country be destroyed by the secret combination among us, or will it be here when the Savior comes again?"
Elder Benson answered him," Kimber," (he always called him that,) "I didn't write the book, And This Nation Shall Endure thinking that it would be destroyed before the Savior comes. The American flag will still be waving at the Second Coming. The only question is how far down the road to socialism will we go before we turn things around."
Then Glenn asked, "What will wake up the people to fight this combination?" And Elder Benson answered, again paraphrasing, "It's the women. They will become so fed up by the education establishment that brainwashes their children, and the news media that promotes family destroying values, that they will become motivated to do something. They will also push their husbands to enter the fray."
Well, to me, this video represents a fulfillment of that prophecy.
Women across the country are getting fed up with everything that is happening to their country. They are organizing and participating in political activities on a massive scale. Nationally, we see Devvy Kidd, Ann Coulter, Michelle Malkin, Michele Bachmann, Jan Brewer, Sharon Angle and thousands of others besides those shown in this video; who are actively participating in the political process. Just notice how many of the challengers to the incumbents in both the House and the Senate are women!
In the state of Utah there is Cherilyn Eager, Becky Pirente, Loma McKinnon, Shawna and Peggy Cox, Shirley Wood, Carolyn Alder, Susan Sorensen, Susan Craven, Sharla Christie, Suzette Allen, Stacey Mudgett, Sharon Slater and literally hundreds of other women who are taking the bull by the horns, so to speak, in this battle. I hope I didn't offend anyone by inadvertently leaving out their name. lol.
It is to the women, that we of this and future generations will look up to and acknowledge that you have been touched with the Spirit of the Holy Ghost who inspired you to enter this fight. We will win in the end, but exactly how that will be accomplished is known but to God."
Monday, July 26, 2010
i just don't know...
It has been awhile since I blogged about well... anything.
So I hit new post and sit and stare at the screen. I am thinking that maybe something will come to me as I sit here typing my thoughts... nope, I got nothing.
I am watching my grandson Atticus as both mommy and daddy are working now. It has been a joy to watch him as he is developing so much. He is just a little over 13 months old and has the cutest lil'-bit-goofy personality, probably taking after his dad. Would love to be able to see the other two grandkids more often, they live up in Logan area so we can't get up there all the time.
As far as for me goes, I have been experiencing shortness of breath and a rapid heart rate again, an old foe of mine. But since I have been having some chest pain upon exhertion, not at the same time but on top of, I finally made a call to get into see my cardiologist. So we will see what happens there. I am hoping no big deal. Got plenty of people that love me and keep on top of me to make sure I take care of myself, as I am a stubborn mule and think I can do it all. I know Meg and Criss would whole-heartedly agree with that statement... so to them I say... "shut up, and I love you guys!"
So I hit new post and sit and stare at the screen. I am thinking that maybe something will come to me as I sit here typing my thoughts... nope, I got nothing.
I am watching my grandson Atticus as both mommy and daddy are working now. It has been a joy to watch him as he is developing so much. He is just a little over 13 months old and has the cutest lil'-bit-goofy personality, probably taking after his dad. Would love to be able to see the other two grandkids more often, they live up in Logan area so we can't get up there all the time.
As far as for me goes, I have been experiencing shortness of breath and a rapid heart rate again, an old foe of mine. But since I have been having some chest pain upon exhertion, not at the same time but on top of, I finally made a call to get into see my cardiologist. So we will see what happens there. I am hoping no big deal. Got plenty of people that love me and keep on top of me to make sure I take care of myself, as I am a stubborn mule and think I can do it all. I know Meg and Criss would whole-heartedly agree with that statement... so to them I say... "shut up, and I love you guys!"
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Nip it in the Bud
You ever had your feelings hurt and kept your mouth shut?
Then have those hurt feelings fester into a monster that erupts months of years down the road, only to unintentionally hurt someone you love the most.
What about having a strong opinion about something and afraid to say anything for fear of what others will think of you?
Then later wish you would have opened your mouth and kept someone from making a big mistake because they thought you were okay with it.
It has been my experience that it is best to communicate our feelings and opinions early on, nip it in the bud as they say, while it is still raw and fresh. But with tenderness and much love. Especially with those we love and care for, they deserve it, they earned it, it is a healthy practice for all parties involved.
Communicate, communicate, communicate.
Friday, March 19, 2010
Only in fairytales...? I don’t think so.
In late December 2009, after totaling my car in a bad accident, I had a difficult time coping with the fine line of coming so close to it ending in tragedy and leaving so much undone and then just walking away from it. I finally came to grips with my Heavenly Fathers plan for me, and having much left to do here on this earth. It took a blessing, many prayers, and a sweet friend to bring me back on top and put it behind me.
Then I was hanging around on LDSMingles website one day on Dec 27th, saying hi or sending emails to some of the new guys. I was just mostly killing time, I was bored. I didn’t give any of them a second thought, as it does no good to think about it any further unless they get back to me and are interested. I welcomed this one gentleman to the site with a short email, as he was new. I liked what his profile said, he was honest and had been thru the refiners fire like me.
Around about the same time, I think it was shortly after that, I started to feel some chest excitement. Like my heart was swelling with joy, it was a tremendous “feel good” feeling that kept welling up inside of me. There was no reason or explanation for it, it would hit me from out of the blue. So I decided I was just going to ride the tide of joy, it was mine to enjoy, even though I had no clue what it meant.
Then on Jan 14th, Criss sent a smile that just said he was looking for friends. Sure! I thought, I can be friends. That is what I was looking for anyways. So I replied with an email telling him I was looking forward to being his friend. Now keep in mind, I had about three other gentlemen showing interest at this same time too. So, I was still not thinking much of it. But all the while still getting those unexplained “heart swells”.
One week later Criss finally paid for a subscription to Mingle and sent me a “about me” email. I did the same, but before I logged off of the site he caught me on IM. We chatted for awhile, hitting so many similarities in our lives....I told him we needed to talk. The IM conversation had reached a “can’t believe this is real” level. So he called me about a minute later, lol. We talked for about an hour, about everything, especially our journey back into the gospel. It was an amazing conversation, and most amazing of all was the tremendous heart swells we had both been feeling thru this entire conversation (although keeping it to ourselves at the time). I immediately sent him a message after our conversation thanking him and telling him (after saying he was going to think I was crazy) that it felt like a spirit to spirit conversation. He replied that he felt it too and looked forward to getting to know me....YAY!!
We talked everyday, more than once and text every chance we got for the next week. Each time we connected it felt like the relationship accelerated ahead several weeks, even several times in one day. By Thursday of that week, I was completely in love with him. But not willing to say it first. After I text him the next day that I wasn’t supposed to fall into that four letter word with him, he asked if I could talk. I told him I could in an hour, lol. That conversation was so beautiful, Criss was in love with me....ME. I was absolutely bawling, he was bawling....
The next day, on January 30th...we finally met for the first time at the Layton Hills Mall parking lot. Hard to describe...but it was like coming home, “OH, WOW!!” is all I could get out. He was the most beautiful sight these sore old eyes had ever seen. He thought I was gorgeous (and I tell him if he keeps telling me that, I will have to believe him someday, lol). It was a day Criss and I will never forget, it was tearful and joyous. We knew we were done, we had found THE ONE, our forevermore without hardly a word spoken. Priceless, just priceless.
We couldn’t wait to start our life together, so long story short (I know...too late!)...we got married in front of family and friends on March 6th by my Bishop. We are so happy! We didn’t know a love like ours was even possible and it is a beautiful thing to experience! And oh...the heart swells are still amazing!
Then I was hanging around on LDSMingles website one day on Dec 27th, saying hi or sending emails to some of the new guys. I was just mostly killing time, I was bored. I didn’t give any of them a second thought, as it does no good to think about it any further unless they get back to me and are interested. I welcomed this one gentleman to the site with a short email, as he was new. I liked what his profile said, he was honest and had been thru the refiners fire like me.
Around about the same time, I think it was shortly after that, I started to feel some chest excitement. Like my heart was swelling with joy, it was a tremendous “feel good” feeling that kept welling up inside of me. There was no reason or explanation for it, it would hit me from out of the blue. So I decided I was just going to ride the tide of joy, it was mine to enjoy, even though I had no clue what it meant.
Then on Jan 14th, Criss sent a smile that just said he was looking for friends. Sure! I thought, I can be friends. That is what I was looking for anyways. So I replied with an email telling him I was looking forward to being his friend. Now keep in mind, I had about three other gentlemen showing interest at this same time too. So, I was still not thinking much of it. But all the while still getting those unexplained “heart swells”.
One week later Criss finally paid for a subscription to Mingle and sent me a “about me” email. I did the same, but before I logged off of the site he caught me on IM. We chatted for awhile, hitting so many similarities in our lives....I told him we needed to talk. The IM conversation had reached a “can’t believe this is real” level. So he called me about a minute later, lol. We talked for about an hour, about everything, especially our journey back into the gospel. It was an amazing conversation, and most amazing of all was the tremendous heart swells we had both been feeling thru this entire conversation (although keeping it to ourselves at the time). I immediately sent him a message after our conversation thanking him and telling him (after saying he was going to think I was crazy) that it felt like a spirit to spirit conversation. He replied that he felt it too and looked forward to getting to know me....YAY!!
We talked everyday, more than once and text every chance we got for the next week. Each time we connected it felt like the relationship accelerated ahead several weeks, even several times in one day. By Thursday of that week, I was completely in love with him. But not willing to say it first. After I text him the next day that I wasn’t supposed to fall into that four letter word with him, he asked if I could talk. I told him I could in an hour, lol. That conversation was so beautiful, Criss was in love with me....ME. I was absolutely bawling, he was bawling....
The next day, on January 30th...we finally met for the first time at the Layton Hills Mall parking lot. Hard to describe...but it was like coming home, “OH, WOW!!” is all I could get out. He was the most beautiful sight these sore old eyes had ever seen. He thought I was gorgeous (and I tell him if he keeps telling me that, I will have to believe him someday, lol). It was a day Criss and I will never forget, it was tearful and joyous. We knew we were done, we had found THE ONE, our forevermore without hardly a word spoken. Priceless, just priceless.
We couldn’t wait to start our life together, so long story short (I know...too late!)...we got married in front of family and friends on March 6th by my Bishop. We are so happy! We didn’t know a love like ours was even possible and it is a beautiful thing to experience! And oh...the heart swells are still amazing!
Sunday, January 3, 2010
My 2010 Mantra
"In 2010 I will embrace new opportunities, places & people again and again"
This is a big deal for me for those that know me well. I am basically a shy person, so I tend to stay away from opportunities, places and people. I am trying hard to change the "known" Lynda, which I am finding isn't killing me...lol.
Even showing up late for church in the past would have been reason enough for me to skip that meeting and show up for the next, or skip them altogether and go to a singles ward as if that was the plan all along. Today, I showed up more than 10 minutes late for Relief Society and while getting ready to get out of the car I got a phone call from a gentleman I just met recently. So I talked to him for a few minutes after telling him, yes...this is a good time to talk, hehe. Even still I went into RS 20 minutes late, without freaking out inside.
As for new places and people, a little more of a struggle there. I haven't traveled much on my own, but I am hoping this year will bring more of that or with a companion, I love to travel, just haven't had much opportunity to do so. People... well, they just plain scare me for the most part (new ones anyways). I have been reaching out and trying to be a friend to a gentleman I don't know very well, which is definitely out of my comfort zone, but he is a crusty creampuff, so it makes it easy. I am also trying to get to know more people in my ward, again, another stretch.
Hopefully I will finish the year filled with gratefulness for my new will to become more involved in the world around me, it's people and places. I have to, if I am going to change my status quo.
This is a big deal for me for those that know me well. I am basically a shy person, so I tend to stay away from opportunities, places and people. I am trying hard to change the "known" Lynda, which I am finding isn't killing me...lol.
Even showing up late for church in the past would have been reason enough for me to skip that meeting and show up for the next, or skip them altogether and go to a singles ward as if that was the plan all along. Today, I showed up more than 10 minutes late for Relief Society and while getting ready to get out of the car I got a phone call from a gentleman I just met recently. So I talked to him for a few minutes after telling him, yes...this is a good time to talk, hehe. Even still I went into RS 20 minutes late, without freaking out inside.
As for new places and people, a little more of a struggle there. I haven't traveled much on my own, but I am hoping this year will bring more of that or with a companion, I love to travel, just haven't had much opportunity to do so. People... well, they just plain scare me for the most part (new ones anyways). I have been reaching out and trying to be a friend to a gentleman I don't know very well, which is definitely out of my comfort zone, but he is a crusty creampuff, so it makes it easy. I am also trying to get to know more people in my ward, again, another stretch.
Hopefully I will finish the year filled with gratefulness for my new will to become more involved in the world around me, it's people and places. I have to, if I am going to change my status quo.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Blessed
Ever since I have become active in the church, so maybe 3 months now, things keep getting better and better.
I feel so blessed in many aspects of my life, I have great kids who are responsible adults. I love my kids so much, I couldn't ask for better parents, and I have a great extended family. My health is not so great, but as always, I roll with the punches. Because of my job change in April of 2008, the insurance is much better now, so I can afford to take care of my health.
I am understanding many things of the gospel that I didn't before. Things make sense to me now, on a very deep level, which translates into a stronger testimony. I can't wait to be able to attend the temple again, whenever that is. To be able to do His work, and actually have a strong desire to do so. I want to do the things that I should be doing. I don't want to associate with people and places that may compromise my values. I don't take it for granted anymore.
I feel the most profoundly blessed by the friends that have found me, no doubt with my Heavenly Fathers help. I met Ann at my current job, we got along right away because we are so much alike, but with nice complimentary differences. We work in the same room, and have had many talks. We grew closer over the months and started to confide in each other. We both had experience and wisdom in areas that the other needed. How blessed I feel to have such a friend.
There was a day this last May, where I had no one to go with me to see a play I had free tickets for. It hit me like a ton of bricks, I was inactive and I had no close friends. Sure, I had my family... but that is not what I needed at this moment in time. I felt completely and utterly alone, I felt I had no one to turn to, no one to lift me up. I did not have the spirit with me, it was void in my life because of the choices I had been making. I did things based on gut instinct and experience. It was the very next day, Easter Day, that my dear friend Ann from work, invited me to dinner at her home with her and her roommates. What a turning point that invitation was, I just sobbed to know that I was accepted and loved. The one thing I had wanted for soooo long. I later found out that she was inspired to invite me and argued the point with the spirit by saying "maybe another time." All she got was a persistent "no, invite her to dinner today." She thankfully, complied. Then to later understand that my Saviour had the spirit removed from Him during the Atonement, so He would know how we felt at our very lowest, brought such comfort to me as I looked back at how dark and lonely it was during that day.
My friend, Meg, found me when I was on LDS Mingle, a LDS singles website. She talked to me when I ventured into a chat room, to show me the ropes, so to speak. The rest is history, we have so much in common. She lives in Missouri, but that doesn't seem to matter. We just clicked, and buoy each other up alot. Communicating via IM, text, phone calls, whatever works. We have experienced much of the same pain, struggle with the same feelings and share the same joys. She is such a nut, but so can I be. She just happens to bring out the nuttier side of me. She is exactly what I need, at this very moment in my life. Talking to her, she says the same thing about me. I pray that we always need each other and never lose touch. She is indeed a very dear friend to me, we feel we have known each other before. She calls it BFBF, best friends before and forever. And I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that she is right. Hear that Meg, you are right, again!
I absolutely LOVE MY FRIENDS! I am not just talking about Ann and Meg either, while they are my best friends, I love all of my friends. If I have ever hung out with you, shared stories with you, laughed with you. You are my friend. You all keep me grounded, connected and make me feel accepted.
Now if I could just find my other half... but in the meantime, working on being the right person, so I can find the right person.
I feel so blessed in many aspects of my life, I have great kids who are responsible adults. I love my kids so much, I couldn't ask for better parents, and I have a great extended family. My health is not so great, but as always, I roll with the punches. Because of my job change in April of 2008, the insurance is much better now, so I can afford to take care of my health.
I am understanding many things of the gospel that I didn't before. Things make sense to me now, on a very deep level, which translates into a stronger testimony. I can't wait to be able to attend the temple again, whenever that is. To be able to do His work, and actually have a strong desire to do so. I want to do the things that I should be doing. I don't want to associate with people and places that may compromise my values. I don't take it for granted anymore.
I feel the most profoundly blessed by the friends that have found me, no doubt with my Heavenly Fathers help. I met Ann at my current job, we got along right away because we are so much alike, but with nice complimentary differences. We work in the same room, and have had many talks. We grew closer over the months and started to confide in each other. We both had experience and wisdom in areas that the other needed. How blessed I feel to have such a friend.
There was a day this last May, where I had no one to go with me to see a play I had free tickets for. It hit me like a ton of bricks, I was inactive and I had no close friends. Sure, I had my family... but that is not what I needed at this moment in time. I felt completely and utterly alone, I felt I had no one to turn to, no one to lift me up. I did not have the spirit with me, it was void in my life because of the choices I had been making. I did things based on gut instinct and experience. It was the very next day, Easter Day, that my dear friend Ann from work, invited me to dinner at her home with her and her roommates. What a turning point that invitation was, I just sobbed to know that I was accepted and loved. The one thing I had wanted for soooo long. I later found out that she was inspired to invite me and argued the point with the spirit by saying "maybe another time." All she got was a persistent "no, invite her to dinner today." She thankfully, complied. Then to later understand that my Saviour had the spirit removed from Him during the Atonement, so He would know how we felt at our very lowest, brought such comfort to me as I looked back at how dark and lonely it was during that day.
My friend, Meg, found me when I was on LDS Mingle, a LDS singles website. She talked to me when I ventured into a chat room, to show me the ropes, so to speak. The rest is history, we have so much in common. She lives in Missouri, but that doesn't seem to matter. We just clicked, and buoy each other up alot. Communicating via IM, text, phone calls, whatever works. We have experienced much of the same pain, struggle with the same feelings and share the same joys. She is such a nut, but so can I be. She just happens to bring out the nuttier side of me. She is exactly what I need, at this very moment in my life. Talking to her, she says the same thing about me. I pray that we always need each other and never lose touch. She is indeed a very dear friend to me, we feel we have known each other before. She calls it BFBF, best friends before and forever. And I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that she is right. Hear that Meg, you are right, again!
I absolutely LOVE MY FRIENDS! I am not just talking about Ann and Meg either, while they are my best friends, I love all of my friends. If I have ever hung out with you, shared stories with you, laughed with you. You are my friend. You all keep me grounded, connected and make me feel accepted.
Now if I could just find my other half... but in the meantime, working on being the right person, so I can find the right person.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Crash Course in Diabetes
I was diagnosed with Diabetes in February of 2006 after some minor heart problems were found in November of 2005. Those diagnoses' came after 2 1/2 years of being sick. It took nearly everything out of me to be able to hold down a full-time job, let alone managing the kids and home needs (which fell short).
I could barely lift my legs, most days I was using a cane or walker to get around. I was short of breath a lot of the time, so fatigued that just the thought of going to the grocery store made me sick. When my kids went with me to the store (I almost always had to have help), they could hear me coming from an aisle over as I shuffled my feet. I can't even tell you how many doctors appointments I had consisting of neurologists, cardiologists, pulmonologists, rheumatologists, ER visits, etc. or how many tests such as mri's, spinal tap, muscle, blood, etc., etc., etc. All netting nothing, so all me and my family could do was live day to day and wait it out.
I finally got a break when a local hospital was doing free screenings for PAD, peripheral arterial disease. The test consisted of taking my blood pressure in my arms and ankles. Well, my legs showed signs of mild to moderate blockage. This got me into a cardiologist that did a angiogram on my heart, lungs, neck and legs. There was no blockages, but the left side of my heart showed some weakness. My blood pressure was high on the diastolic reading getting as high as 150/110. My diagnoses was diastolic dysfunction. I had always had a little high readings on my blood glucose, but not so much so that yelled diabetes. So heart and diabetic medications were my fix.
My primary care doctor, worried that my blood glucose may get too low on the medication had me check my blood sugar on a daily basis and ran an A1C test. My first result from the A1C test was 7.0, and that was being on diabetic meds for 2 months. Any reading 7.0 and over puts you at risk for complications, like heart, eyes and circulation problems with limbs. A non-diabetic would have been closer to the 4 range.
Okay, so I have some pills now... all fixed, for a couple of years. I developed another heart problem starting in April of '07, but wasn't diagnosed until September of '08. I had these painful attacks that progressively got more intense and more frequent. I had pain in my chest, straight thru to my back and down my left arm. Towards the end of them, I also had pain in my jaw, neck and nearly passed out. They found I had PVC's, premature ventricular contractions or my heart was beating an extra beat. These can be harmless to a healthy individual, or deadly with someone that has a heart problem already or an unknown heart defect. Too many PVC's can trigger a cardiac arrest to a heart that has a defect like to an unsuspecting athlete. Good thing my problems are being treated and kept under control, so no worries there.
This diagnoses resulted in taking me off of one of my heart medications, and alas... no more attacks... I was so relieved, whew!!
Ever since my diabetes was diagnosed as the early stages, I thought all I had to do was take my meds and it seemed to keep everything under control. Hahaha... I even wasn't checking my blood sugar, my last A1C was 6.1 from a previously 5.5 result a few months prior to that. I just told people I wasn't a severe diabetic, thinking they caught it in time. Well... I got sick this past Monday, suddenly vomiting, I was shaky and overall felt really sick. My meter had stopped working (probably from lack of use, lol), so I had a co-worker take me to my mom's close by as she had a meter. My blood glucose was 76 after I had just eaten an hour previously, it should have been at least 30 points higher. So I had some fruit to bring it up and borrowed my mom's meter to keep track of it for the day.
I started doing some research on diabetes and found out it was a progressive disease O.o, what?! Something about the wacky blood glucose levels fatiguing the cells and even making the cells die off if the numbers stay up for too long. Which means the longer you are diabetic, the more progressive it becomes and less the cells handle the highs. Sounds like a vicious cycle to me.
I called my docs office, got my own meter and an updated RX for my glucose strips. Checking my blood glucose, especially when I felt sick. After my sugar dropping to 66 after eating again on Thursday, I called my doctor for an appointment. She cut my meds in half, because it was more critical that I didn't get low numbers than getting high ones. I will go back in 8 weeks instead of 5 more months to get my A1C checked again. She didn't want me to change how I eat, so the test reflects med change only and not confused by other factors.
I have been absorbing all the information I can on diabetes, trying to understand it the best I can. Understanding it is time to take this ugly beast seriously. I already have heart problems caused by the disease, so I cannot be so passive about it anymore. Gonna become an expert!
I could barely lift my legs, most days I was using a cane or walker to get around. I was short of breath a lot of the time, so fatigued that just the thought of going to the grocery store made me sick. When my kids went with me to the store (I almost always had to have help), they could hear me coming from an aisle over as I shuffled my feet. I can't even tell you how many doctors appointments I had consisting of neurologists, cardiologists, pulmonologists, rheumatologists, ER visits, etc. or how many tests such as mri's, spinal tap, muscle, blood, etc., etc., etc. All netting nothing, so all me and my family could do was live day to day and wait it out.
I finally got a break when a local hospital was doing free screenings for PAD, peripheral arterial disease. The test consisted of taking my blood pressure in my arms and ankles. Well, my legs showed signs of mild to moderate blockage. This got me into a cardiologist that did a angiogram on my heart, lungs, neck and legs. There was no blockages, but the left side of my heart showed some weakness. My blood pressure was high on the diastolic reading getting as high as 150/110. My diagnoses was diastolic dysfunction. I had always had a little high readings on my blood glucose, but not so much so that yelled diabetes. So heart and diabetic medications were my fix.
My primary care doctor, worried that my blood glucose may get too low on the medication had me check my blood sugar on a daily basis and ran an A1C test. My first result from the A1C test was 7.0, and that was being on diabetic meds for 2 months. Any reading 7.0 and over puts you at risk for complications, like heart, eyes and circulation problems with limbs. A non-diabetic would have been closer to the 4 range.
Okay, so I have some pills now... all fixed, for a couple of years. I developed another heart problem starting in April of '07, but wasn't diagnosed until September of '08. I had these painful attacks that progressively got more intense and more frequent. I had pain in my chest, straight thru to my back and down my left arm. Towards the end of them, I also had pain in my jaw, neck and nearly passed out. They found I had PVC's, premature ventricular contractions or my heart was beating an extra beat. These can be harmless to a healthy individual, or deadly with someone that has a heart problem already or an unknown heart defect. Too many PVC's can trigger a cardiac arrest to a heart that has a defect like to an unsuspecting athlete. Good thing my problems are being treated and kept under control, so no worries there.
This diagnoses resulted in taking me off of one of my heart medications, and alas... no more attacks... I was so relieved, whew!!
Ever since my diabetes was diagnosed as the early stages, I thought all I had to do was take my meds and it seemed to keep everything under control. Hahaha... I even wasn't checking my blood sugar, my last A1C was 6.1 from a previously 5.5 result a few months prior to that. I just told people I wasn't a severe diabetic, thinking they caught it in time. Well... I got sick this past Monday, suddenly vomiting, I was shaky and overall felt really sick. My meter had stopped working (probably from lack of use, lol), so I had a co-worker take me to my mom's close by as she had a meter. My blood glucose was 76 after I had just eaten an hour previously, it should have been at least 30 points higher. So I had some fruit to bring it up and borrowed my mom's meter to keep track of it for the day.
I started doing some research on diabetes and found out it was a progressive disease O.o, what?! Something about the wacky blood glucose levels fatiguing the cells and even making the cells die off if the numbers stay up for too long. Which means the longer you are diabetic, the more progressive it becomes and less the cells handle the highs. Sounds like a vicious cycle to me.
I called my docs office, got my own meter and an updated RX for my glucose strips. Checking my blood glucose, especially when I felt sick. After my sugar dropping to 66 after eating again on Thursday, I called my doctor for an appointment. She cut my meds in half, because it was more critical that I didn't get low numbers than getting high ones. I will go back in 8 weeks instead of 5 more months to get my A1C checked again. She didn't want me to change how I eat, so the test reflects med change only and not confused by other factors.
I have been absorbing all the information I can on diabetes, trying to understand it the best I can. Understanding it is time to take this ugly beast seriously. I already have heart problems caused by the disease, so I cannot be so passive about it anymore. Gonna become an expert!
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