Moving On

Moving on after a BIG fallout with your bestie (or anybody for that matter) is not easy. You can only apologize so many times, you can only beg so many times... and with each time it seems to bring you lower and lower, at least it seems to do that when it falls on deaf ears.

Apologizing for having hurt another is the right thing to do, but asking for forgiveness is like begging, if there is no forgiveness offered you have to find a way to move on. You have to reach a point that you know you have done all you can do, you are not going to allow their lack of forgiveness to define you, bring you down anymore. What is happening at this point is a form of control, they feel they have you in the palm on their hand... squeezing it tighter and tighter, they know their silence is killing you, they are punishing you now.

For me, it is when I decided enough is enough, I have apologized over and over again. It is time to tell them what I really think, no more apologies. Reminding them of how they told me I was a loyal and non-judgmental  friend all those years we were besties, dose that mean nothing? Reminding them of all we helped each other thru, all the tears, all the joys. Telling them that everything does not always happens for a reason. Some things just happen because we are human, some things just happen because of Murphy's Law, some things just happen because of a bad day, out of hurt, out of pain, out of illness, ignorance, being too sensitive, or out of being ignored.

But also a reminder that to me, we will always be besties and I will always love her. No more apologies, just the hope that she will someday realize the value of our friendship and that it wasn't all for nothing. I do realize there could be more at play here than what I see, but I may never know.

I just pray for her and her forgiveness, but I do not need it to be happy. I am tremendously happy with my wonderful husband, children, grand-children, parents, extended family and many friends. They love me as I am, I just hope that someday she will to.

Words

Words, especially the written kind, can be twisted and turned into something that stings and cuts to the core.

It all depends on the viewers own life experiences and sensitivity levels as to how their power has over others. While the words we put down may have the very best of intentions, given with love or humor, it matters not when the receiver is in a frame of mind where they are already biased against the giver. Plus, if the receiver was raised without siblings or perhaps has worked in environments where teasing one another wasn't the norm, there has been no opportunity for developing a "thick skin".

So do we take responsibility for words that unintentionally hurt or offends a loved one or a loved one of a friend? All actions good or bad (yes, even unintentional) have a domino effect in our lives or the lives of others. So we do need to take responsibility for them. It's a live and learn kind of thing, and all we can do is hope and pray we are given the opportunity to make things right for the hurt we may have caused and the blessed opportunity to still have them in our lives.

Be weary of the innocent tease, even if it is in reply to another one. Many people can dish it, but there are those few that can't take it. If there is anything but good feelings towards the individual you are directing your comments or tease to, tread lightly. Sometimes a tease can be the supposed "non-stinging" way of delivering how we feel about someone, and sadly, without even knowing it ourselves.

Deliver only positive, uplifting comments towards others, especially to those that don't know you well. A sarcastic sense of humor used on someone that doesn't know you will almost always be taken wrong and put you in a bad light in the future. Reserve your humor for those that really do know you well, and I am talking about in person. Online teasing will almost always be taken the wrong way.

If you have offended another, even unintentionally, it may forever destroy any relationship you ever had with that person. Especially if they easily hold grudges, or have a history of not dealing with things because it is easier just to not face it and work to make it right, and if the relationship is mostly an online one, they can easily avoid the contact....making things worse as each day that passes.

Save your words, stop for a moment and think before typing or for that matter talking. Keep the friends you have and make new ones along the way. Keep your heart open to the love of others and your life will be filled with much joy. If you have offended another, take heart, if you have sincerely apologized and have not received forgiveness... then the weight of the matter lies with them and it is their loss for not having given you, their loved one, a second chance.

I Dance U Smile

I Dance U Smile!

This is my son Weston, he has overcome more than shyness over the past few years and I am dang proud of him. He still has a long ways to go, but he is definitely on the way there!

Reflection

Why does it always have to take a accident/tragedy to force the analyzation of a bad situation and to instill a positive change?

Such as a much needed traffic light on a dangerous intersection, it doesn't happen until there is an accident where somebody dies.

Or... a tragedy of another sort... a relationship, unintentionally hurting someone, such as saying something based only from our own viewpoint, but in reality it was received with a much harsher meaning that caused pain.

This causes reflection of oneself... why did it happen, especially when we never even recognized it in the first place, not until it had given its wicked sting to people that we would never intentionally hurt. Is this behavior something that happens with everyone we come in contact with, or just certain individuals. Once we figure that out, what do they have in common, what role do they play in our lives. Perhaps it is something as simple as never having accepted them or what we interpreted as their hold over us or a loved one. Whatever it is, we need to figure it out right down to the very last detail. Clarification brings understanding of oneself and our behavior, a flaw in our character, then comes change. It is easy to change once the problem is figured out and applying a solution to avoid it happening again in the future. But until we realize there is a problem, no change can be made.

Then comes perhaps the most difficult of all, the apologies for ones behavior. The forgiveness cannot come without being given freely from those that were hurt, but you can forgive yourself... which does not come easy, then asking for your Heavenly Fathers forgiveness. Then comes the waiting, will the relationships ever mend? I think perhaps this requires a lot of patience, love and never giving up, but showing much respect for their needed space and healing. Then also realizing that it may never come around, because we do not have any control over how others handle their pain and healing.

Nonetheless... are we going to wait for a tragedy to make positive changes in our lives, whether it be an unsafe structure on our property or an attitude that severely needs adjustment. Take heed to those reactions around you, if you seem to be causing unwanted reactions by harsh words, work on how you associate yourself with others. Don't be blind to your own behavior, make a good thing happen today. Say kind words, never harsh. Tell someone you love them.

It never hurts to do some reflecting of oneself now and then, perhaps we will avoid a tragedy in the future.

You can be on the right track, but you will get run over if you just sit there.

I have been feeling out of sorts lately, like the past few days or so, without any real solid reason as to why. So when someone tells you to just "Cheer up!", how do you go about that when you don't have a clue why you are down in the first place. I mean, if I really thought about it I could probably find little reasons that would affect my mood, such as...

I have not been feeling very good lately and my leg is still giving me pain even after the treatments I have received; my best friend has been in a melancholy mood also and I can't put on her while she is struggling too; my daughter who is in CA is trying to decide on continuing there or moving back home and is struggling with what she is supposed to be doing, going back and forth on her decisions; feeling as if my designs are so inadequate compared to the talent of those around me and how did I ever get to where I am with so little skill; my weight keeps climbing and I have had to replace my entire wardrobe; my spirit is in need of some repair and yet there is no desire to do anything about it; my ward was just dissolved and I don't even know where I belong anymore; and I don't seem to have any of the energy or drive to want to do anything about any of the above, for those things I could do anything about that is.

But in my mind, all of those things are little, inconsequential things and are no reason to be in the funk I am in. They just happen to be some of the little things I am dealing with, like we all deal with in one way or another. So how can any of those concerns have such a big effect on me today?

So my way of thinking is blogging therapy, maybe if I type it out onto my blog it will leave me by traveling out of my heart and mind and trickling down thru my fingertips like magic. Maybe while typing I will suddenly know the answer or the reason behind this deep funk that I am in. I am generally a pretty upbeat, happy person...so when I get in a sudden mood like this it takes me back and I am like "Whoa! What am I supposed to do with this? This is not me, I don't know how to handle this!".

Has my experiment of blogging it out been working? It is hard to say, I think it is too early to tell. But I will say this, it is at least doing something about it. It is at least talking to someone, even if that someone is myself, well and any poor sap who happens upon it that is.

I do have many blessings that keep me going, that lift me back up to where I need to be. And that is my wonderful husband, my amazing kids, adorable grandkids. I have an awesome job and I get to work with awesome people. I still have both of my parents and many other family members that love me. A savior that gave everything for me and I know that He and my Heavenly Father love me and want me to be happy. I feel like I let them down everyday, but all I can say is that for the moment, I am doing the best that I can.

Things will get better, they just require a little more effort, a little more reaching out and holding on. Keep on keeping on with the good fight, tie another knot and hold on tighter and all that other positive stuff.

After all, you can be on the right track, but you will get run over if you just sit there.

It's the women...

I got this email from a family member. This is my way of sharing it.

I would like all to see this short video, then I'll tell you a story. Here is the video:

http://firefromtheheartland.com/

And Here's the story:

"A few years ago, I took Constitution classes from Glenn Kimber. For those who don't know him, he is the son-in-law of W. Cleon Skousen. He has been with Skousen for many years, often accompanying him on his lecture tours and giving nation-wide lectures himself. Today he runs an academy for the youth, Kimber Academy, in Lehi. In one of his classes he told the following story:

He was in Phoenix Arizona at Sky Harbor airport some years ago to pick up Ezra Taft Benson for some function. As they were on their way to the function that Elder Benson was to attend, Glenn asked him, in essence, "Elder Benson, will this country be destroyed by the secret combination among us, or will it be here when the Savior comes again?"

Elder Benson answered him," Kimber," (he always called him that,) "I didn't write the book, And This Nation Shall Endure thinking that it would be destroyed before the Savior comes. The American flag will still be waving at the Second Coming. The only question is how far down the road to socialism will we go before we turn things around."

Then Glenn asked, "What will wake up the people to fight this combination?" And Elder Benson answered, again paraphrasing, "It's the women. They will become so fed up by the education establishment that brainwashes their children, and the news media that promotes family destroying values, that they will become motivated to do something. They will also push their husbands to enter the fray."

Well, to me, this video represents a fulfillment of that prophecy.

Women across the country are getting fed up with everything that is happening to their country. They are organizing and participating in political activities on a massive scale. Nationally, we see Devvy Kidd, Ann Coulter, Michelle Malkin, Michele Bachmann, Jan Brewer, Sharon Angle and thousands of others besides those shown in this video; who are actively participating in the political process. Just notice how many of the challengers to the incumbents in both the House and the Senate are women!

In the state of Utah there is Cherilyn Eager, Becky Pirente, Loma McKinnon, Shawna and Peggy Cox, Shirley Wood, Carolyn Alder, Susan Sorensen, Susan Craven, Sharla Christie, Suzette Allen, Stacey Mudgett, Sharon Slater and literally hundreds of other women who are taking the bull by the horns, so to speak, in this battle. I hope I didn't offend anyone by inadvertently leaving out their name. lol.

It is to the women, that we of this and future generations will look up to and acknowledge that you have been touched with the Spirit of the Holy Ghost who inspired you to enter this fight. We will win in the end, but exactly how that will be accomplished is known but to God."

i just don't know...

It has been awhile since I blogged about well... anything.

So I hit new post and sit and stare at the screen. I am thinking that maybe something will come to me as I sit here typing my thoughts... nope, I got nothing.

I am watching my grandson Atticus as both mommy and daddy are working now. It has been a joy to watch him as he is developing so much. He is just a little over 13 months old and has the cutest lil'-bit-goofy personality, probably taking after his dad. Would love to be able to see the other two grandkids more often, they live up in Logan area so we can't get up there all the time.

As far as for me goes, I have been experiencing shortness of breath and a rapid heart rate again, an old foe of mine. But since I have been having some chest pain upon exhertion, not at the same time but on top of, I finally made a call to get into see my cardiologist. So we will see what happens there. I am hoping no big deal. Got plenty of people that love me and keep on top of me to make sure I take care of myself, as I am a stubborn mule and think I can do it all. I know Meg and Criss would whole-heartedly agree with that statement... so to them I say... "shut up, and I love you guys!"