Reflection

Why does it always have to take a accident/tragedy to force the analyzation of a bad situation and to instill a positive change?

Such as a much needed traffic light on a dangerous intersection, it doesn't happen until there is an accident where somebody dies.

Or... a tragedy of another sort... a relationship, unintentionally hurting someone, such as saying something based only from our own viewpoint, but in reality it was received with a much harsher meaning that caused pain.

This causes reflection of oneself... why did it happen, especially when we never even recognized it in the first place, not until it had given its wicked sting to people that we would never intentionally hurt. Is this behavior something that happens with everyone we come in contact with, or just certain individuals. Once we figure that out, what do they have in common, what role do they play in our lives. Perhaps it is something as simple as never having accepted them or what we interpreted as their hold over us or a loved one. Whatever it is, we need to figure it out right down to the very last detail. Clarification brings understanding of oneself and our behavior, a flaw in our character, then comes change. It is easy to change once the problem is figured out and applying a solution to avoid it happening again in the future. But until we realize there is a problem, no change can be made.

Then comes perhaps the most difficult of all, the apologies for ones behavior. The forgiveness cannot come without being given freely from those that were hurt, but you can forgive yourself... which does not come easy, then asking for your Heavenly Fathers forgiveness. Then comes the waiting, will the relationships ever mend? I think perhaps this requires a lot of patience, love and never giving up, but showing much respect for their needed space and healing. Then also realizing that it may never come around, because we do not have any control over how others handle their pain and healing.

Nonetheless... are we going to wait for a tragedy to make positive changes in our lives, whether it be an unsafe structure on our property or an attitude that severely needs adjustment. Take heed to those reactions around you, if you seem to be causing unwanted reactions by harsh words, work on how you associate yourself with others. Don't be blind to your own behavior, make a good thing happen today. Say kind words, never harsh. Tell someone you love them.

It never hurts to do some reflecting of oneself now and then, perhaps we will avoid a tragedy in the future.

You can be on the right track, but you will get run over if you just sit there.

I have been feeling out of sorts lately, like the past few days or so, without any real solid reason as to why. So when someone tells you to just "Cheer up!", how do you go about that when you don't have a clue why you are down in the first place. I mean, if I really thought about it I could probably find little reasons that would affect my mood, such as...

I have not been feeling very good lately and my leg is still giving me pain even after the treatments I have received; my best friend has been in a melancholy mood also and I can't put on her while she is struggling too; my daughter who is in CA is trying to decide on continuing there or moving back home and is struggling with what she is supposed to be doing, going back and forth on her decisions; feeling as if my designs are so inadequate compared to the talent of those around me and how did I ever get to where I am with so little skill; my weight keeps climbing and I have had to replace my entire wardrobe; my spirit is in need of some repair and yet there is no desire to do anything about it; my ward was just dissolved and I don't even know where I belong anymore; and I don't seem to have any of the energy or drive to want to do anything about any of the above, for those things I could do anything about that is.

But in my mind, all of those things are little, inconsequential things and are no reason to be in the funk I am in. They just happen to be some of the little things I am dealing with, like we all deal with in one way or another. So how can any of those concerns have such a big effect on me today?

So my way of thinking is blogging therapy, maybe if I type it out onto my blog it will leave me by traveling out of my heart and mind and trickling down thru my fingertips like magic. Maybe while typing I will suddenly know the answer or the reason behind this deep funk that I am in. I am generally a pretty upbeat, happy person...so when I get in a sudden mood like this it takes me back and I am like "Whoa! What am I supposed to do with this? This is not me, I don't know how to handle this!".

Has my experiment of blogging it out been working? It is hard to say, I think it is too early to tell. But I will say this, it is at least doing something about it. It is at least talking to someone, even if that someone is myself, well and any poor sap who happens upon it that is.

I do have many blessings that keep me going, that lift me back up to where I need to be. And that is my wonderful husband, my amazing kids, adorable grandkids. I have an awesome job and I get to work with awesome people. I still have both of my parents and many other family members that love me. A savior that gave everything for me and I know that He and my Heavenly Father love me and want me to be happy. I feel like I let them down everyday, but all I can say is that for the moment, I am doing the best that I can.

Things will get better, they just require a little more effort, a little more reaching out and holding on. Keep on keeping on with the good fight, tie another knot and hold on tighter and all that other positive stuff.

After all, you can be on the right track, but you will get run over if you just sit there.

It's the women...

I got this email from a family member. This is my way of sharing it.

I would like all to see this short video, then I'll tell you a story. Here is the video:

http://firefromtheheartland.com/

And Here's the story:

"A few years ago, I took Constitution classes from Glenn Kimber. For those who don't know him, he is the son-in-law of W. Cleon Skousen. He has been with Skousen for many years, often accompanying him on his lecture tours and giving nation-wide lectures himself. Today he runs an academy for the youth, Kimber Academy, in Lehi. In one of his classes he told the following story:

He was in Phoenix Arizona at Sky Harbor airport some years ago to pick up Ezra Taft Benson for some function. As they were on their way to the function that Elder Benson was to attend, Glenn asked him, in essence, "Elder Benson, will this country be destroyed by the secret combination among us, or will it be here when the Savior comes again?"

Elder Benson answered him," Kimber," (he always called him that,) "I didn't write the book, And This Nation Shall Endure thinking that it would be destroyed before the Savior comes. The American flag will still be waving at the Second Coming. The only question is how far down the road to socialism will we go before we turn things around."

Then Glenn asked, "What will wake up the people to fight this combination?" And Elder Benson answered, again paraphrasing, "It's the women. They will become so fed up by the education establishment that brainwashes their children, and the news media that promotes family destroying values, that they will become motivated to do something. They will also push their husbands to enter the fray."

Well, to me, this video represents a fulfillment of that prophecy.

Women across the country are getting fed up with everything that is happening to their country. They are organizing and participating in political activities on a massive scale. Nationally, we see Devvy Kidd, Ann Coulter, Michelle Malkin, Michele Bachmann, Jan Brewer, Sharon Angle and thousands of others besides those shown in this video; who are actively participating in the political process. Just notice how many of the challengers to the incumbents in both the House and the Senate are women!

In the state of Utah there is Cherilyn Eager, Becky Pirente, Loma McKinnon, Shawna and Peggy Cox, Shirley Wood, Carolyn Alder, Susan Sorensen, Susan Craven, Sharla Christie, Suzette Allen, Stacey Mudgett, Sharon Slater and literally hundreds of other women who are taking the bull by the horns, so to speak, in this battle. I hope I didn't offend anyone by inadvertently leaving out their name. lol.

It is to the women, that we of this and future generations will look up to and acknowledge that you have been touched with the Spirit of the Holy Ghost who inspired you to enter this fight. We will win in the end, but exactly how that will be accomplished is known but to God."

i just don't know...

It has been awhile since I blogged about well... anything.

So I hit new post and sit and stare at the screen. I am thinking that maybe something will come to me as I sit here typing my thoughts... nope, I got nothing.

I am watching my grandson Atticus as both mommy and daddy are working now. It has been a joy to watch him as he is developing so much. He is just a little over 13 months old and has the cutest lil'-bit-goofy personality, probably taking after his dad. Would love to be able to see the other two grandkids more often, they live up in Logan area so we can't get up there all the time.

As far as for me goes, I have been experiencing shortness of breath and a rapid heart rate again, an old foe of mine. But since I have been having some chest pain upon exhertion, not at the same time but on top of, I finally made a call to get into see my cardiologist. So we will see what happens there. I am hoping no big deal. Got plenty of people that love me and keep on top of me to make sure I take care of myself, as I am a stubborn mule and think I can do it all. I know Meg and Criss would whole-heartedly agree with that statement... so to them I say... "shut up, and I love you guys!"

Nip it in the Bud

You ever had your feelings hurt and kept your mouth shut?

Then have those hurt feelings fester into a monster that erupts months of years down the road, only to unintentionally hurt someone you love the most.

What about having a strong opinion about something and afraid to say anything for fear of what others will think of you?

Then later wish you would have opened your mouth and kept someone from making a big mistake because they thought you were okay with it.

It has been my experience that it is best to communicate our feelings and opinions early on, nip it in the bud as they say, while it is still raw and fresh. But with tenderness and much love. Especially with those we love and care for, they deserve it, they earned it, it is a healthy practice for all parties involved.

Communicate, communicate, communicate.

Only in fairytales...? I don’t think so.

In late December 2009, after totaling my car in a bad accident, I had a difficult time coping with the fine line of coming so close to it ending in tragedy and leaving so much undone and then just walking away from it. I finally came to grips with my Heavenly Fathers plan for me, and having much left to do here on this earth. It took a blessing, many prayers, and a sweet friend to bring me back on top and put it behind me.

Then I was hanging around on LDSMingles website one day on Dec 27th, saying hi or sending emails to some of the new guys. I was just mostly killing time, I was bored. I didn’t give any of them a second thought, as it does no good to think about it any further unless they get back to me and are interested. I welcomed this one gentleman to the site with a short email, as he was new. I liked what his profile said, he was honest and had been thru the refiners fire like me.

Around about the same time, I think it was shortly after that, I started to feel some chest excitement. Like my heart was swelling with joy, it was a tremendous “feel good” feeling that kept welling up inside of me. There was no reason or explanation for it, it would hit me from out of the blue. So I decided I was just going to ride the tide of joy, it was mine to enjoy, even though I had no clue what it meant.

Then on Jan 14th, Criss sent a smile that just said he was looking for friends. Sure! I thought, I can be friends. That is what I was looking for anyways. So I replied with an email telling him I was looking forward to being his friend. Now keep in mind, I had about three other gentlemen showing interest at this same time too. So, I was still not thinking much of it. But all the while still getting those unexplained “heart swells”.

One week later Criss finally paid for a subscription to Mingle and sent me a “about me” email. I did the same, but before I logged off of the site he caught me on IM. We chatted for awhile, hitting so many similarities in our lives....I told him we needed to talk. The IM conversation had reached a “can’t believe this is real” level. So he called me about a minute later, lol. We talked for about an hour, about everything, especially our journey back into the gospel. It was an amazing conversation, and most amazing of all was the tremendous heart swells we had both been feeling thru this entire conversation (although keeping it to ourselves at the time). I immediately sent him a message after our conversation thanking him and telling him (after saying he was going to think I was crazy) that it felt like a spirit to spirit conversation. He replied that he felt it too and looked forward to getting to know me....YAY!!

We talked everyday, more than once and text every chance we got for the next week. Each time we connected it felt like the relationship accelerated ahead several weeks, even several times in one day. By Thursday of that week, I was completely in love with him. But not willing to say it first. After I text him the next day that I wasn’t supposed to fall into that four letter word with him, he asked if I could talk. I told him I could in an hour, lol. That conversation was so beautiful, Criss was in love with me....ME. I was absolutely bawling, he was bawling....

The next day, on January 30th...we finally met for the first time at the Layton Hills Mall parking lot. Hard to describe...but it was like coming home, “OH, WOW!!” is all I could get out. He was the most beautiful sight these sore old eyes had ever seen. He thought I was gorgeous (and I tell him if he keeps telling me that, I will have to believe him someday, lol). It was a day Criss and I will never forget, it was tearful and joyous. We knew we were done, we had found THE ONE, our forevermore without hardly a word spoken. Priceless, just priceless.

We couldn’t wait to start our life together, so long story short (I know...too late!)...we got married in front of family and friends on March 6th by my Bishop. We are so happy! We didn’t know a love like ours was even possible and it is a beautiful thing to experience! And oh...the heart swells are still amazing!

My 2010 Mantra

"In 2010 I will embrace new opportunities, places & people again and again"

This is a big deal for me for those that know me well. I am basically a shy person, so I tend to stay away from opportunities, places and people. I am trying hard to change the "known" Lynda, which I am finding isn't killing me...lol.
Even showing up late for church in the past would have been reason enough for me to skip that meeting and show up for the next, or skip them altogether and go to a singles ward as if that was the plan all along. Today, I showed up more than 10 minutes late for Relief Society and while getting ready to get out of the car I got a phone call from a gentleman I just met recently. So I talked to him for a few minutes after telling him, yes...this is a good time to talk, hehe. Even still I went into RS 20 minutes late, without freaking out inside.
As for new places and people, a little more of a struggle there. I haven't traveled much on my own, but I am hoping this year will bring more of that or with a companion, I love to travel, just haven't had much opportunity to do so. People... well, they just plain scare me for the most part (new ones anyways). I have been reaching out and trying to be a friend to a gentleman I don't know very well, which is definitely out of my comfort zone, but he is a crusty creampuff, so it makes it easy. I am also trying to get to know more people in my ward, again, another stretch.
Hopefully I will finish the year filled with gratefulness for my new will to become more involved in the world around me, it's people and places. I have to, if I am going to change my status quo.