I have not been feeling very good lately and my leg is still giving me pain even after the treatments I have received; my best friend has been in a melancholy mood also and I can't put on her while she is struggling too; my daughter who is in CA is trying to decide on continuing there or moving back home and is struggling with what she is supposed to be doing, going back and forth on her decisions; feeling as if my designs are so inadequate compared to the talent of those around me and how did I ever get to where I am with so little skill; my weight keeps climbing and I have had to replace my entire wardrobe; my spirit is in need of some repair and yet there is no desire to do anything about it; my ward was just dissolved and I don't even know where I belong anymore; and I don't seem to have any of the energy or drive to want to do anything about any of the above, for those things I could do anything about that is.
But in my mind, all of those things are little, inconsequential things and are no reason to be in the funk I am in. They just happen to be some of the little things I am dealing with, like we all deal with in one way or another. So how can any of those concerns have such a big effect on me today?
So my way of thinking is blogging therapy, maybe if I type it out onto my blog it will leave me by traveling out of my heart and mind and trickling down thru my fingertips like magic. Maybe while typing I will suddenly know the answer or the reason behind this deep funk that I am in. I am generally a pretty upbeat, happy person...so when I get in a sudden mood like this it takes me back and I am like "Whoa! What am I supposed to do with this? This is not me, I don't know how to handle this!".
Has my experiment of blogging it out been working? It is hard to say, I think it is too early to tell. But I will say this, it is at least doing something about it. It is at least talking to someone, even if that someone is myself, well and any poor sap who happens upon it that is.
I do have many blessings that keep me going, that lift me back up to where I need to be. And that is my wonderful husband, my amazing kids, adorable grandkids. I have an awesome job and I get to work with awesome people. I still have both of my parents and many other family members that love me. A savior that gave everything for me and I know that He and my Heavenly Father love me and want me to be happy. I feel like I let them down everyday, but all I can say is that for the moment, I am doing the best that I can.
Things will get better, they just require a little more effort, a little more reaching out and holding on. Keep on keeping on with the good fight, tie another knot and hold on tighter and all that other positive stuff.
After all, you can be on the right track, but you will get run over if you just sit there.
